THe Day of Ze Dun Dun Duuun/Despair

So. whats so special about today, and whats so brilliantly horrifying about tomorrow? hmm? no guesses? well.

Today is the twelvth of August. that makes is BKs anniveray. awwie ❤ shahzad uncle and her have been married for four years now, i think. how bootiful. (her word, not mine <3) Its so sweet to know prince charmings still exist in this world. and that she found hers and kept him held hostage for life. Hope she enjoys the special daaay~ She totally deserves it ^_^

aaaand when she called so i could wish her, i found out something that seems SO WEIRD to me. Ammar, dork, nerd, (yaoi? get anyone? anyone? no? kay. O1 joke..), and oblivious, that ammar, that ive known for the past three years, apparently wants to be an archetect (still cant spell it. LA LA LA.) AN ARCHETECT!! mhmm. which is weird cuz ive been leaning towards that for quite a while now. hmm. strangest think is, hes never said so, and hes like had this decided for the past two to three years. so yikes. cuz im just leaning towards it. i havent decided for sure, or anything like he has. that i admire. but hes never even TALKED about it before. even though weve talked aobut our futures and future dreams, and future careers loads of times. neverrr brought it up. huh. thats why i just find it so strange. it might be just me. and i never thought of ammar as an archetect before. ever. if someone asked me where hed be ten years from now, id easily say ‘Enriques wife.’ but jokes aside, second guess would be…i dont. a banker? no…an accountant maybe? yeah, ammard make a good accountant. he could also do something like Chuck (from Chuck. duh.). oh and i dont mean the whole spy thing. i was thinking a lot more along the lines of the Nerd Herd…he could be a used-computers salesman. maybe. naw, id just love to see him even just ATTEMPTING that xD hahahahaha. i can just picture it…him sweating and nervous with a tie…oh mah gosh…*gasp* breath ze, breaaathe…

ahem, so ive nearly killed myself laughing. and now, onwards to Dun Dun Duuuun news. news of despair. aww. =(

which is basically…The Result. The CIE O-level result =( nuooo. im too young to diiie~! i wanna liiiiiiive >x<  which which determines SO MUCH. and im terrified. so terrified that i cant sleep. meh. that NEVER happens. ive never been too scared to sleep before. ever. even before the Result of my Stats exam. but i know why its different today. it sunk in. it NEVER sinks in. basically, it feels like a dream, not REAL, not happeing. its like i cant deal with it, so my brains like ‘chill out ze, i got this.’ and then it proceeds to release thousands of endorphines and shiz making me super highish and in a dream like trance, really. Which is awesome when it comes to coping with all of it. i just cant handle stress, apparently. and its not like i stress out often either. buuut this sucks in the sense that when whatever-too-stressful-and-serious-to-deal-with is actually happening, im too carefree, and joking around and NOT taking it seriously at ALL. which can suck. like singing to yourself, bursting out laughing and stealing colorful paper in the exam hall of my first ever CIE exam. yeah. everyone did indeed think i was crazy (that part was awesome). and ammar had this look like ‘my gawd. she finally cracked’. it only made me laugh harder. so yeah. wohoo. handling stress. yup, i got it.

and tomorrow i get the Result to all that craziness >~< and all that craziness i wrote down on paper in MAY. exams. in the CIE exams. i still cant believe i have to face this. i cant believe its already HERE, to be faced. ugh. exams. they age us a lot faster than something like responserbileries (Rugrats anyone? yesh? congrats, you had a childhood~ no? i pity you.) ever will/would/can.

mhmm. freakedish about that. but after getting all this out, i think i can finally sorta go to sleep. i  AM sleepy. and my head hurts. i should wear my glasses more as im using the laptop all day… ‘stupid ze, i told you so~!’ damn you, brain, damn you.

well, its time to hit the hay. *yawn* (<btw, i legitly yawned there. the timing was just so perfect i had to put it down here.)

*poof*

-Ze

ps.
my brain is a completely diffferent entity in mah head. there are voices. theres me, and then theres Jimminy Cricket and then theres Brain/Brian (igore. google it. RIGHT now.). And thus the damn you brain line. talking to myself means i get to converse with all of these facets of the same personality. Maud. Frosty. Ze. Wattson. and others too. like Brian and Cricket, but to name a few.

i think ive scared yall, and possibly my family and future-self enough for one day. but i do have the best excuse ever to back it up (no, not my craziness.). i get my RESULT on the marrow. so yeah. crazy voices in my head? completely justified.

‘just dont tell them ive been here since you were 14 and alls good.’

thanks a lot, brain, for your veryyyy valuble input. *rolls eyse*

im gonna read myself to sleep to shut brain up now. and im hungry. wohoo. best combo ever. hunger, tiredness and sleepiness. yay.

id ramble on and on about beyblade but im waaay too tired. tomorrow or maybe a few days later? im counting on you to remember that, brain!

‘huh, what? sorry, i was busy deciding whether you want nutella on toast or nutella on a spoon.’

does it MATTER, brain?! nutellas nutella! so less with the chitty chatty, so we cant get on with the eaty eaty of the nutellaa!

‘point taken. alright, wrap this up, and then the feet will do their own thing and get you there. or you could fly. just saying. but itd be quicker if you just published this already. cant promise what might happen when the hunger kicks in and you just take off without publishing this post. might even be midsentence.’

what do you mean, midsentence? ive got the perseverence and determination and dedication to post all of this with a nice and proper sign off, a proper goodbye to anyone who reads this itty bitty bit of grapffiti on this wall. anyone who takes the time out of their life deserves a bit of grattitude for doing so and i for one intend to give them the full appreciation that they deserve. and even-

‘well, there go the legs. off we go. march. to that kitchen cabinet~!’

damn you, brain. damn you.
. . . . .
onwards to nutella~!

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