My “Certain Craziness” with Books

Or you could call it my Degree of OCD(Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) with Books.

See, I say I’m a crazy person. All logic behind that can be found here, but that’s another story. What’s with this one then?

Basically, this is a major contributing factor to my craziness. I can’t stand it if I get gifted a book I intended on getting myself.

For example, I’ve been talking non-stop about this one new book that’s releasing- let’s say, the book’s The Fault in Our Stars. I can’t wait for the book to release, I’m super excited and giddy about reading it, and I say I want to read it as soon as possible too. Next thing you know, for whatever reason, I haven’t run to the bookstore at the speed of Sonic to get the book on the day of its release, but you happen to be at the bookstore and think, “what the heck, I’ll get it for her so she can read it sooner. She did say she was dying to read it.” Or worse yet, you’re out shopping and suddenly realize the next day is my birthday, and in a hurry to get any sort of gift that I’ll like on such short notice, the book I’ve been rambling on about- The Fault in Our Stars, was it?- pops into your head, and you think “By golly, this’ll be perfect!” and happily you purchase the book for me.

BZZZZZT~!

Wrong wrong wrong =/

If for whatever reasons, someone gets me a book that I was planning on getting myself- especially if it’s newly released, or I reaaally wanted to read it- then I’ll go berserk.  I’ll totally flip out. I’ll scream, yell, and possibly cry. Depends on the book and how much I was looking forward to it.

‘To it”? To reading it? Yes. Til it’s release? Yeah. To…Getting it, even? YES, it’s like you read my mind.

A huge portion of the joy of reading any book is getting the book for me. Going out to the store, excited and anticipating getting it, browsing the shelves to actually find it, picking out which copy I want, purchasing it, and then hugging the bag the entire way home, thrilled and satisfied that I had in fact gotten the book.

If someone else gets me the book, or buys it for me, as a gift or not, I feel cheated out of that experience, out of that…thrill. I just suddenly have the book pop-up on me. And I hate it. And that’s usually why I flip out, yelling, and screaming if anyone ever does that.

I usually hate the person who “stole” that trip and experience from me, and hate with a burning passion.

I kid you not, this is a real thing. Here’s a true story to say how big of a deal this is to me.

I bought The Son of Neptune (Heroes of Olympus Book II, Rick Riordan) approximately nine days after it released, and read it at an ok-ish speed. Afterwards, I counted down the days til its sequel was released, The Mark of Athena, which so happened to be the 2nd of October, 2012. And that coincedentally was just a few days before my first ever Cambridge (CIE) Stat Exam on the 8th. So, I thought I’d wait til the 10th (the day I had my Stat paper 2, the last exam.) to get the book.

One night, where I was chilling and hanging with my younger brother, Q, he decided to tell me a secret. He thought he was going to surprise me, and I’d be super happy. He really wasn’t expecting what happened. No one did, but me.

He told me that he and my dad had gone out and got The Mark of Athena since it just happened to be sold at this random bookstore they visited to get stationary or something.

Man, I was pissed. I snapped. I yelled and yelled, and criiied my eyes out. I was just SO upset. It meant so much to me, waiting til the book released, waiting in suspense as to what happens next with the characters, and everything, just waiting, waiting, to get the chance and the time to go out and get the book myself. It’s not just getting the book, it’s a whole experience I love and enjoy and cherish of every book I go to get. So when that’s taken from me, when I’ve been waiting and waiting to do so, I feel utterly betrayed and cheated. And I hate the people who put me through that.

I didn’t study that night. I flopped my Bio test the next day (less than an A in Bio is pretty sucky for me.) I through things. I cried. And I refused to read the book after that. Not then at least. Not now either. I-I just can’t.

I haven’t touched that book since.

I hope one day I can. I really wanna read that book. But look, the sequel to even that’s been released now- The House of Hades. And I’m behind. I’ve lost my rhythm for this series, and I don’t know if I will ever get it back. The worst part is knowing that if I start reading the books, I’ll catch up in no time. But that’s just the thing. I don’t think I can. And that leads to THE worst worst thing- how I blame my brother and my parents for it, for nearly ruining this series for me. And they were trying to be helpful and nice and had no ill-intent at all. Yet it turned out like this.

I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, or like a spoiled little brat, but this is honestly how I feel. If I could change it, I probably would. But I can’t and I didn’t choose to feel so strongly about this, and yet I do. It’s just something I have to put up with- but I feel it so unfair how I’m just judged for it.

Yes, I’ve said I’m crazy, but I didn’t just say that cuz I learnt a new word, or it sounds cool.

I know what it means, and I’m not using it for the heck of it. So don’t stare at me like I’m insane and a freak because I react this way to this kind of scenario. It’s just what I do, deal with it. If you can’t accept that I am crazy, then that’s just something you’ve got to cope with.

I don’t even know where I’m taking this now. I meant to just explain my drama over books and receiving them. I never intended to talk about how I look towards others for being like this. Or how I might seem as both a person and a psychopath after reading this. Oh well. Whatever’s been said, has been said.

I’m considering not posting this- after all, I got too emotional when I was typing out the story of The Mark of Athena, and it became really personal after that. But never mind, if I’m not personal on my blahg, then who will be?

I might have broken a few personal rules by posting this, but this is an authentic tale, and just because it got a tad emotional doesn’t make it any less perfect, but rather more priceless. So posty posty.

Crazy, Chocolate, and Cookies,
-Ze

ps.
I’m rereading The Percy Jackson series at the moment. I’m on The Sea of Monsters. If all goes well, and I have the mental strength to, I plan on finishing this series, rereading The Heroes of Olympus series that I have already read and- *deeeep breaathe* – read The Mark of Athena AND The House of Hades. Let us just see what happens with that.

 

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